It is quite obvious that the end of times is upon us. The world wide economy is falling apart, people are dying of starvation, and our destructive practices are ruining the environment. Also, rich people are evolving into a separate species.
Rich people are awesome. They get to live a life that everyone dreams of: riding jet skis, traveling around the world in their own personal airplanes, being the only Americans with decent health insurance, and generally laughing at the plight of poor people.
I hope to be rich someday, but since I’m not I can only live by the Paris Hilton motto “always act like you’re wearing an invisible crown” and make sure that every rich person everywhere is treated like royalty. I’d lay down in a mud puddle just for the chance to have a rich person grace me with physical contact, let alone helping them avoid poor people germs. Yet, according to some random guy’s recent attempt at getting in the news, rich people are evolving into a different species and will be able to simply fly over poor people with their wings:
“[American futurologist Paul] Saffo, from San Francisco, says in the future people will be able to grow their own replacement organs, take specially tailored drugs, and use genetic research tools to alert them from any possible hereditary health dangers….But Mr Saffo says these improvements would only be affordable to the super-rich. And because of this, he says, advancements may lead to a divide between the classes and eventually could lead to the super-rich evolving into a different species entirely, leaving his not-so-rich counterpart behind.”
This is such more great news for rich people. Not only do they get to currently live awesome lives with their money, but in the future their money will lead them to be physically superior. We should be so happy for rich people! After all, they do deserve it. They have spent years exploiting inferiors (ie: us) into working hard so that most of our labor’s reward ends up in their pockets. Why should they continue doing this and not be able to walk through walls? It’s simply not fair.
Even though poor people are doomed to genetically stagnate, don’t fret! There is a silver lining to be found here, fellow poor people. Once the rich people use up all of the planet’s natural resources they’ll use their new genetic powers to fly to Mars while we get to fulfill the Bible’s promise of inheriting the Earth! It’s a win/lose situation, as it’s been, but at least we’ll be able to say we finally own something: a planet covered in its own filth.
Just like us!
Katie
Peter
Mark
tomblikebomb
T Mac
